I got my fair share of laughs yesterday.
They walked into Morrisons Family Restaurant and sat in the booth in front of me. Facing me, was a man who had arms covered in tattoos with women’s names. (Or were they named after his dead cats?) He had a Conklin midway hat on. The woman with her back to me had no teeth. Or sleeves on her shirt. She wanted chocolate milk. They needed a lot of chocolate milk. “Get the brown cow and bring it to the table.” The woman with no teeth ordered a three-egg omelet, with mushrooms, peppers, cheese, double bacon, homefries, and white toast. “Don’t be giving me your shit rye like last time”
While the third man in a skull kerchief talked loudly on the phone near the front door she yelled over. “Tell that prick I am not working in the rain.”
As he relays the message and sits down beside her. I assume they are a couple because she begins massaging his shoulder with her tongue. She must sense my eyes on her because the toothless woman giggles and turned around to me,
“The Fair is in town this weekend. And we are the freaking Fair.”
I ate my burger, likely too fast, as I am wont to do, and she said, “Sheesh, when was the last time you ate? You scarfed that back. ”
So, I said, ‘Well I’ve got nobody to talk to or to lick my shoulder as you do.”
And she laughed a big toothless grin, “Well Gabe move over and let Grandma sit down.”
Yep, its Sept and the Fair is in town.
This excerpt is from my new book of short stories. Premiering this fall.
Also in September is my comedy show that will benefit Sistering. Kim Pollard the wonderful blues musician will be playing. We have a handful of tickets left. GRAB A VIP seat here to help some women in need. VIP seats get 2 free drinks and a copy of my new comedy CD.
Regular-priced tickets are available as well.
UPCOMING TOUR SPOTS
Sistering Fundraiser John Candy Box Theatre, John Candy Box Theatre, Sunday, Sept 29th, 2019 2 pm. BUY HERE LIMITED SEATING.
18th Annual Accent Toronto, CBC Radio. Danforth Music Hall. 6 other comics and myself. Oct 9, 2019, 8 pm.
Comedy Writing Master Class 3 Nights only For Female Writers. ( or people who identify as female) Sign up for this 3-day master class at the Second City Training Centre. Oct 15-17, 2019. Register here
Downward Facing Broad, Empire Theatre, Belleville, Oct 26th, 2019 8 pm. Buy here
Downward Facing Broad, Legion, Tamworth, Ontario. Nov 16th, 2019 8pm. Buy Here. And Mark at the Legion has them.