Did you say Pop?

Well the answer is Timmy.

This was the way speaker Steve Robbins CHANGE  started his talk at an event where I was presenting.

Like me, most of the audience answered pop. (even though the commercial has been off the air for years) it makes you see how we are programmed to respond.  Yes it was a great marketing campaign, but it makes you wonder, how many other things  you are reacting to in old automatic ways.

How many other ideas are stuck in that brain of yours, spewing out stories that have been long off the air?

People are creatures of habits. We like routine, some of us more than others. And in order to feel safe we start patterns that make it easy to get by. I have women that come to my show and every time they sit in the front row and in the same order. They all sing in the choir together and even more interesting they sit in the same formation they do at choir practice. 

They did it once, and it became a habit.

But life is fluid, and creative. It changes up on us. No more so than now.

One of the things I love teaching companies is how to improvise: how to look at change in a more positive lift.  I see more than ever we need to try and interrupt old thought patterns to get to better answers. Long term solutions for the new world reality.

The rule of improvisation is to say yes and see where it leads. This does not mean running around like a chicken with your head cut off.  Its means leaning into the change and letting your experience lead you. And seeing if you say YES to it, where are the answers are. Leaning into it, makes it easier. And we also see answers that are right in front of us.

But leaning into yes means letting go of the old routines, and if you’re anything like me anything I let got of has claw marks all over it.  Even if its good change, I buck it.  And especially if its financial. God that old financial fear and anxiety.

But if we lean into yes you are reminded of your resiliency. You lasted this long. In six months this thing you’re freaking out about will be the new reality, and you’ll be onto something new.

That’s the way of it and you are going to be okay.

I want to hear from you. And if you have some old outdated routine you’re trying to shake up in your work or personal life, please email me or leave a comment below– I’d love to hear how you are being asked to say yes in your life.

The audience wants to poke their eyes out. Even the presenter wants to blind herself with the laser pointer.

Whenever I go to an event, they say do you have powerpoint? MAKE YOUR FACE YOUR POWEPOINT.

Why?

Sure you can do a slide show or power point but you need to be sure its an add on -and sure your presentation can survive without it. Because I can’t tell you how many gigs I have been at where you get there and the technology messes up and you’re stuck. What are you going to use? Hand puppets?  Mime?

You need a solid well crafted story. And you need to rehearse like actors do. Getting the nuances right.

The story needs to be something the audience goes through it with you.

As a presenter its important you get your face animated. You got to get some energy going. It doesn’t mean acting it out like some grade 2 schoolteacher. That is just annoying, but as my  friend and comic, Ron James, told me -in comedy, you need to “Get in their seats. *(which is quite different than get in their pants–that my friends is a a whole other seminar)

Paint a picture with words.  Use relaxed language to illustrate what point you want to make!

BODY LANGUAGE +TELLING  YOUR FACE TO HAVE SOME FUN= ENGAGED AUDIENCE.

That means you RISK  looking  like a dork.

Looking like a dork is part of the deal.

And you will screw up.  You won’t die of embarassment. I haven’t.

So tell your audience you’re in on the knowledge that you are a dork.  (or hambone, or I lost my place) They can see you did. And if you tell them hey I know I am lost. I am cool with it, they relax.

You don’t want an audience feeling sorry for you!

ONE FUNNY LADY can help make your presentation style,  BRILLIANT.

At this point most people say, “But I am NO public speaker.”

You don’t have to be. You need techniques to bring levity to your work.

So ONE FUNNY LADY(which is me and I don’t know why I am talking in the royal we.)   has created a way for you to share your brilliant experience and knowledge in a better way.

WHAT WILL YOU LEARN:

1) How to use body language to make the point.

2) Through story, animation and voice tone (as well as projection– they won’t get the information if you can’t hear you)

3) Tried and true techniques to battle stage fright.  And how to make your knees stop shaking.

4) Five powerful techniques to bring humour to the room.

Two ways to do it.

A group coaching.(2-3 hours depending on size of group. Maximum 25 people) 1500 plus HST.
Or one on one. (2 hours) 225.00 (by phone and email so you have time to practice. We do Skype calls so I can watch and coach first hand how to deliver)

contact info@kimmett.ca for more details.

(Oh and by the way I’m taking clients for even one session for the next couple weeks to support people jump start thier lives! Give yourself a gift of support and inspiration.)

My last name being Kimmett, I was called Kermit a lot. Like the frog on the Muppets, get it? I hated it as much as you can imagine. But as I get older, I realize Kermie was a lot wiser than he looked. For instance, he advised “Never fall in love with a pig.” Think of how many hours of pain you could have avoided if you had only listened to that one!

He also said,

“It isn’t easy being green.”

You got that right, Kerm! In fact, it isn’t easy smelling green, either. I have a bamboo yoga suit. When I sweat, I smell like a Burmese forest. Saving energy can be exhausting. I began using compost worms. You think cats are fussy? Worms won’t take your garbage unless you’ve ground your kitchen scraps in a blender. (Note to Cousin Francine: I told you that wasn’t a smoothie.)

I use cloth bags for my groceries. Or at least I intend to. I still haven’t gotten them from the car to the grocery store, but I still say no to plastic bags. No matter how many groceries I have, I stuff as many items in my handbag as I can. I’ve gone through three purses so far. I’m reducing plastic, but increasing leather consumption. The cows may be mad, but there are fewer of them passing wind.

If this tickled your funny bone, LIKE  on FB below or  Share with a friend:

If you want the whole story and the rest of the book with  whole heap of laughter  DEB I WANT TO LAUGH MORE

Deb Kimmett’s new BOOK OF FRIVOLITY:

” Will have you LOLing right from the get go. Kimmett is one of the most brutally honest comediennes in Canada”

Steve Patterson (Host of the CBC, The DEBATERS)

“Whether its how to dance on a Saturday night with your Mom, or what to wear on a prison visit, Ms Kimmett’s observations about life are laugh out loud, funny. Colin Mochrie,  star of Whose Line is It Anyway?

BUY YOUR COPY ONLINE

or attend in person and  get a - reading, book signing and shenanigans.

March 24th, Amherst Island  -3 pm.  St Paul’s Presbyterian Church. Amherst Island

March 25th 2012, Novel Idea  2pm. –  Princess Street, Kingston, Ontario.

May 5th, 2012   2pm Ellena’s Cafe, 16 Dundas Street, Napanee, (get there early)

May 19th 2012, 2 pm Books and Company,  Picton, Ontario. 

June 6, 2012, Socialist Pig Coffeehouse, Gananoque, Ontario.

September 17th, 2012, Bancroft Authors Festival Bancroft.

Sept 22, 2012, Lima, Peru:  (location to be announced)

Sept 29, 2012 Thunder Bay, . (location to be announced)

Whitby Authors Breakfast, December 8, 2012

They think I am a bit off centre, that I may be a little wild.  Sure I had my share of crazy in my twenties but in my 50′s I am well….dull. …or perhaps not that curious.

The following story is a case in point.

I was teaching a creativity workshop on the weekend, and on the break, asked one attendee what she did for a living, to which she replied, “I own a sex club.”

This is the point where I put on my ‘ pseudo sincere’ face.

Its a face I developed early on when I lied to my mother. The face I used on my kids when they told me something horrible. “You did what?”

On a moment’s notice, I can relax my face relax like a piece of silk, devoid of all emotion, and after years I stole from a therapist, and started putting my finger to my lips and saying “I see. I see.”

This look would buy me more time so I can figure out what I feel or think. And perhaps the story teller to  gain trust for her to tell me more.

I do not judge her lifestyle. Not my cup of tea, but my no mean is it any worse or better than going to a bar on a Saturday night and picking up someone you don’t know.  And its certainly not worse than dating a man online like I have done.

Generally speaking though, you’re dressed when you go into the bar.

However to each his own!

Maybe some people like to watch and be watched. To come in on their lunch hours for a “real happy hour”. Or people that want to use her theme rooms, called the Shaggin wagon where you can get it on like you did in your teens. but here is the rub, (or rug burn)  unless they have a room where I can wear housecoat I am not going.  And what about if you went to a sex club and then said, No honey, I’m not in the mood”  you might have well just stayed at home.

And when she said, “It’s clean, and  that the staff disinfected the play rooms after each encounter, I puked in my mouth. And don’t get me started if there was a stray hair.  I’d be spraying and God forbid there was a stray hair. And how uncomfortable would it be with me walking around in my housecoat, and disinfecting people while they have sex, no. I

And frankly while we’re on the subject I don’t want to watch me have sex. I used to draw the blinds when I watched Sex and the City.

So when she said I can leave a pass for you at the door I graciously said no. I don’t need to explore that option in life. In fact at my age, I can lie in bed with my Sleepytime Tea and write this blog and get  as much enjoyment from not going. Thinking about it right now I am laughing. So why  should I get up and get dressed and go out to a sex club?  Or undressed….as the case may be.

(PLEASE COMMENT BELOW IF YOU HAVE EVER HAD SOME STRANGE REQUEST WHERE YOU ARE FORCED TO PUT ON PSUEDO SINCERE FACE?)

And if you LIKE this, share it on your page. Might as well spread this crazy around.

Other than to be with fabulous women, I had no goals for this conference. I didn’t want to be Helen Reddy.  I was woman, but there would be no roaring.  I didn’t want to change, or vision or be motivated. I had improved enough.  I wanted to enjoy the beauty of Mexican beaches and my delightful hotel.

But when you go to relax you will find one thing is true. Your mind has a mind of its own.

As soon as I commit to enjoying myself  I start to hear a radio playing in my head.  CKR U kidding me?

CKRU kidding me,  is like a talk show with callers chiming in from my childhood, all blabbing about how I shouldn’t be this size, this age, this pasty. I should be someone else. Who?  I don’t know.  I know it’s  a female trait to put all our anxiety on the body. We could have a day where we popped a kid out in a fields, put out fires, rescued cats and spay, but at the end of the day we always bemoan the fact we’re fat. Or think we are.

I think it because if  we had to own how powerful we really are we’d afraid we’d start blowing up buildings with our excess energy.

But as the conference went on, and one woman after another  inspired us with stories of courage and determination, I thought I am so sick of this CKRU kidding me  playing in my head.  IThere is a very big part of me that really does love myself, but this is like elevator music.

Frankly I have anaylised and made self help industry thousands of dollars and I really don’t care why its on my satellite dish,  I don’t want to subscribe anymore.

So for the next few days, everytime I started to hear some negative mind fart, I purposely nipped it in the butt. I mean, bud.

I walked.  danced, moved my booty,  tasted food,  laughed and cried till it hurt. I even attempted snorkelling. And Even though I ingested a fair bit of salt water started to feel good. Me!  Someone with psoriasis and age spots and cellulite, in other words human, finally felt like I  fit in my body. This body was okay. I was okay.

One delightful afternoon I came back to the Hotel Joya where I was staying,  and a Norwegian couple I had befriended were splashing around in the pool.

They yelled ,

“Hey Deborah, come on in. You look hot.”

I did? Wow this affirmation crap was working.

See those beautiful young people didn’t care I was walking around with 54 year old hips and a size 14 bathing suit.  Petra and Jarold  thought I was looked hot. Sweaty even.

So, I went to my room and shut the curtains (for my room overlooked the pool) and as I slipped into swim wear I thought, time to suit up for life.

I did my chant. ” You are good. You are fine. You are lovely.”

When I came out of the room, I quickly got into the pool and the young Norwegians laughed at everything I said.  I thought to myself,

” Deb you’re not just funny at home. You are funny, internationally. You should get a gig in Oslo.”

All I knew I was killing the Norwegians.

Then I looked down, and saw what was so funny! I  had put my bathing suit on inside out. I looked at the Norwegians. They smiled. I looked  at the bra cups bobbing on top of the water. I looked back at the Norwegians. They waited for my response.

” See, this is how we roll in Canada-Its a fashion thing.”

Then I dove in and flipped them my bum. To hell with it. I wasn’t going back to the room to change. I loved myself too much for that.  Besides that’s what I wanted from this vacation. No change!! No more turning myself inside out.  As  I did the  self love victory laps, I wondered how many Mohitos would it take before the Norwegians would pass out and I could finally go back to my room.

TELL ME what you think and if you want to SHARE THE LAUGHTER Please POSTING THIS ON YOUR FB PAGE for your friends who are in need of a smile. Be well.

Have you got a story you want to tell but every time you try to write, you get stopped by doubt?

Learn how to silence that irritating critic who gets in your way of living a creative writing life.

This ONE-DAY retreat will be a gift to your body, your mind, and your creative soul.

I promise you’ll have an amazing experience, surrounded by people who will support and encourage your creativity. It will be a day of laughter and learning in the lap of luxury! I am committed to your writing success. I’ll follow up on your progress with monthly writing tips and videos to guarantee your inspiration continues well beyond the classroom.

Click here to see my video about what you’ll learn during this retreat, and then here to read the rave reviews of my prior retreats.

Any questions? Please just ask me! I’d love to hear about your goals and how I can help you.

OR GO TO SHOP and sign up)

Marketing consultants, just like bankers, have their own secret language. My consultant and I met at a restaurant. Over a plate of fries I tried to explain to him what I did for a living: I was a writer, actor, motivational speaker and improviser, and apparently I was funny.

Funny. That was one f-word the man didn’t like. I said it again: “I’m funny.”

He didn’t crack a smile. He just picked up the saltshaker off the table and said, “Yes, sure, but what is your salt?”

I thought he was joking but he is a consultant; humour is not in his mission statement. He said it again. “This is a saltshaker, and you have to ask yourself, what is your salt?”

“My salt?”

“Yes, you can put the salt in a crystal saltshaker or a packet like at McDonald’s, but it’s still your salt.”

“It certainly is.”

“So what is your salt? Deb, what is your salt?”

“I didn’t know I had salt.”

“You do. What is it?”

This line of conversation was depressing me, especially when he started yelling, as if that would make me understand. Here I was, 53 years old, and I didn’t know what my salt was. In fact, I didn’t even know if I was salt. Maybe I was more like pepper? Or nutmeg? Or worse, what if I was cream of tartar, which a lot of people have in their spice rack and never use?

As an entertainer, I just did the next thing that paid. I never knew if I was between work or washed up. One time I was cast in a film as a nurse, but I was so hungover they made me a terminal patient. Because I was funny, in between real gigs I would work for side companies that hire actors to perform corporate skits. This included jobs like dressing up as fruits and vegetables and singing for a lot of cash. It was insane. One time we were hired to do a skit about empowering women, and the speaker before us did a talk on something she called “Undress For Success.” This woman got all teary-eyed, telling us about the day she discovered her inner stripper. The only inner stripper I have wears polyester nightgowns and smells like Bengay.

Apparently, it wasn’t enough she had found her own inner stripper; the women in the audience had to find theirs, too. My comrades and I sat back and watched in horror as a bunch of middle-aged ladies got up on stage and tried their hand at pole dancing. Trust me when I tell you, the only people who should be sliding down a pole are firemen.

“I hired a marketing consultant to help me define my business…”

Another time I was hired to work in a murder mystery, where a bunch of performers act out a fictional crime. When we got to the gig, we were met by the event planner. Event planners are like real estate agents on crack. She had this murder mystery planned down to the last detail: the costumes, the weapon, the victim, and she’d even colour-coded napkins for each team along with their fingerprint-dusting kits.

However, there was one thing she didn’t count on happening. On location, all of the staff had been alerted that a murder mystery was going on — everyone but the dishwasher, who happened to have just immigrated to Canada that month. The poor man came out of the kitchen and into the dining room with two trays of freshly washed glasses, just as one of the actors pulled out a prop gun and shot a fellow actor. When she fell down clutching her chest, the dishwasher’s tray of dishes went flying as he ran around the room, terrified.

This event planner ran behind him trying to explain: “See, this is just a game here in Canada. Because we don’t have a war going on in this country, we hire people to pretend to be murdered. Isn’t that fun? Don’t you love us so far?”

When we tried to point out how funny it was, she just didn’t see the humour in the situation. Some people take themselves way too seriously. Like the time I was hired by a huge pharmaceutical company for a campaign to advertise a new drug for treating yeast infections. I was cast as the woman with the yeast infection.

You might think I would be humiliated at the idea of playing such a part. I was, but only for about 10 minutes. Especially after I discovered what the rest of the deal included: a seven-day, all-expenses-paid cruise to the Caribbean, without my husband and kids. I guess my artistic integrity can be bought. The best part was the boss who wouldn’t let us use the words “scratch” or “itch” in the skits because they offended him. Maybe you shouldn’t be in the yeast infection business if those two words offend you. Anyway, it took the form of a mini-musical play called “Beauty and the Yeast: Tale as old as time…”

“What if I was cream of tartar, which a lot of people have in their spice rack and never use?”

My point is I didn’t know if I have my salt or how I tried to stay viable. So, I took a poll and asked my friends what they thought my salt was. They totally misunderstood the question and thought it was time to do a character evaluation. One told me I should get a real job, another tried to sell me disability insurance, and another wanted me to return the blue blouse I had borrowed from her in high school.

Finally, Sandra, who is one of my oldest friends and doesn’t suffer consultants gladly, laid it on the line.

“Oh, for crying out loud, you’re a Kimmett.”

“What’s a Kimmett?”

“It’s witty and wise.”

It is? I thought it was old and gassy. So that’s when I decided how I made a living was fine. And I thought it was okay just to keep my company name: Kimmett.

When I went to visit my mother I told her I just spent three thousand dollars to find out I was a Kimmett. To which she said, “Ha ha, very funny.”

I replied, “Yes, let’s hope so.”

Give yourself the gift of creativity. Get information about writing workshops here.

This year, I made a promise to do three things I love:  write, teach, and travel.

That’s why I am taking “Chip off the Old Writer’s Block” on the road. This year I’m heading to Toronto Island, Vancouver,  Oakville, and da dah….Peru!

How do you know if “Chip off the Old Writer’s Block” is for you?  Answer the questions below:

• Do you want to write but never seem to have the time?
• Do you have a story to tell but don’t know how to get it on the page?
• Did you used to have good ideas but they seem to have dried up?
• Is your writer’s block the size of an iceberg? The kind of frozen block that did in the Titanic?

If you answered “yes” to even one of the above questions, attending the “Chip off the Old Writer’s Block” is guaranteed to get the creative juices flowing.

Really? How?

I have more than thirty years of experience writing and teaching writers. I know how to get you writing, or painting, or, for that matter, any other ‘ing you can think of. Using a series of right-brained exercises, I can help you make the shift from a wannabe writer to an “I did it!” writer. Let me show you how to follow the compass to your subconscious. You’ll experience the first success right in the classroom with a group of like-minded people, and you’ll leave with a map for future writing success.

Don’t just listen to me. Click HERE to find out what people are saying about my writing retreats. And watch my video to get more information about what you’ll learn if you sign up.

Okay…now what?

Here’s a list of everything you need to bring to the retreat:

1. Pen.
2. Paper.
3. An open mind (or a closed one we can pry open).

Here are the dates and times for upcoming retreats:

• Saturday, April 14, 2012 from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Stone Edge, a luxury B &  B north of Oakville (details here)
• Sunday, April 29, 2012 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Toronto Island at Artscape (details here)
• Saturday, April 21, 2012 from 10 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at The Hive in Vancouver (details here)
• Thursday, August 16, 2012 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Toronto Island at Artscape (details here)

If you still want info,  please drop me a note for a free writing tip. I’d love to help you start writing today.