I was in the city promoting my new comedic essay book; That Which Doesn’t Kill You makes You Funnier. The secret to being thought of as talented writer is having a good support bra, the kind that gathers boobs from women in other countries. I’m sure a woman in Sweden woke up this morning and wondered where her chest went. After all that primping and binding the photographer only wanted pictures of me with my dog. Rule number two in showbiz never bring a rescue Shih Tzu to a photo shoot. I got Gus from the pound. When I got him he had fleas, so he had been shaved in the back. He looked like Kurt Russell with a reverse mullet: party in the front and business in the back. Still he’s better than the cat I brought on the last tour. Cats are like drummers on tour. They go Tomming around for three days and then get mad when supper’s not on the table.
Tomorrow hot yoga and how I traded in the mutt for the downward dog.
(diary for National Post week of January 16-2012