Somebody has to be great today. It might as well be you.

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Most women feel they are never the right size. We think we’ll feel good if we just lose a few pounds. If we lose too many pounds, others worry we are getting anorexic.

We spray perfumes, fumigate, pluck and deforest parts ourselves to be acceptable to ‘somebody.’ It seems all the anxiety a woman has about her love life, her kids, and her money is put on her body.

Then there are the choices we make. If we are successful at work, we are called workaholics. If we have kids, we are just stay-at-home Moms, which in this society is one step up from a smoker. If we speak up, we’re a mouthy broad; if we don’t, we are a codependent doormat.

It’s as if we are at the mercy of some unseen remote control button, with somebody “out there” pushing the up and down arrow buttons attempting to get us to the right size.

We say the media does this to us, but hey, we buy the magazines. We watch the talk shows. We believe the drivel. We say men do this to us, but I have never been with a man who criticizes me as much as I have criticized myself. In fact, if he did, I’d dump him.

It’s hard accepting ourselves and our bodies just as we are.  I know of what I speak. Since I was nine months old, I have often had psoriasis over 80 percent of my body. I have tried no dairy, no gluten, sun, no sun, pills, ointments, and homeopathic eye-of-newt expensive shit, and driven my karma down the law of attraction highway. Nothing I do has ever fixed it.

Some things are the way they are. Some things I need to accept. I have the heartbreak of psoriasis. Boo hoo. Some days I find it hard being in my skin, don’t you?

I am a big fan of Bryon Katie (the work.com) and lately I have been using one of her slogans.

When my skin is kind of patchy, I say to myself, “Somebody has to have psoriasis today. Might as well be me.”

When the thought comes to me that says, “you’re fat,” I say to myself, “Well, somebody has to be this weight today. Might as well be me.”

I still do what I can to improve, but this acceptance of my body and my mind has brought me a lot of healing.

And sometimes my skin cooperates and sometimes it doesn’t, but there is a lot more acceptance of my imperfections.

You would never judge someone you love for not looking or being perfect, so why do it yourself?

You are loveable with clear skin, fat butt, no butt, boobs, one boob, married to a boob, watching the boob tube, making money, not making money. You are okay.

Here’s the thing: It behooves you to like yourself. If you don’t, pretend as if you do, like you sometimes have to do with people you work with. Act as if you like yourself until you actually do. Eventually, you will know it in your being. But it requires patience. Reprogramming self-hate takes times. Loving ourselves as we are is the most radical thing we can do.

Besides, somebody has to accept herself today! It might as well be you.

So, tell me: What do you need to learn to love about yourself? How will it make your life better when you do? Leave your comment in the box below so we can cheer you on!

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10 Responses to “Somebody has to be great today. It might as well be you.”

  1. Annette*

    Wise words Deb…I can honestly tell you that I haven’t wasted too much of time hating on myself. I’m far from perfect but I am what I am. I think I got my self-acceptance from my mom…She was a very different body type from me…the classic Marilyn figure popular back in her day…while I  was flat-chested and boyish but she was so totally comfortable in her skin, she radiated confidence. With her serving as example, I never dreamed there was another way. I feel such sadness when, and it does seem to manifest in women disproportionately, I hear gals  dwelling on their perceived flaws. Often, when I listen to them and their rants about their failure to measure up to some imagined standard, I am horrified by their self-loathing. To your point here, I just want to say…you are you…magical, unique, incredible you…celebrate that and to hell with what YOU THINK the world is thinking.

    Radical self-acceptance…there’s an idea whose time has come!

    Reply
  2. Sharenenglish

    Fighting the battle inside.  Your words and Annette help me see that this self hate is so destructive to me and my life.

    Reply
  3. Penny

    I have had a lot happen in my life which has battered self-esteem and self-confidence. It’s taken my lifetime to accept the me that is me. I agree with Annette that  radical self-acceptance is an idea whose time has come. Hooray for those who have and support those on their journey!

    Reply
    • Deborah Kimmett

      Penny, yes that is so true. We have all this history to overcome and it does take a lifetime. You are right we need to let each other soar!

      Reply
  4. Arlene

    Thanks Deb. Timely message for me. I just finished reading Anita Moorjani’s book “Dying To Be Me” about her “near death experience”.  Her biggest message to everyone daring to take it in,  is to love yourself, in fact have a love affair with yourself. Pushing the message that far resonated for me. Remarkably, when she left this world she was ridden with cancer- when she came back, she was cancer-free.

    Reply
  5. Scullylovepromo

    I’m always fighting the voice in my head that says, “You’ll never be good enough as you are because you’re so overweight.”  This is because when I was a teenager and I was 30 lbs. overweight, people used to say, “You’re such a pretty girl.  It’s too bad you couldn’t lose the weight.”  My mother made me go to a gym when I was 12 and told me that if I didn’t get the extra weight off before I went to high school that I’d never have a boyfriend.  When I was a perfect size 14 in the early 80’s, that was considered too big (and I didn’t know about Marilyn Monroe then).  Now I’m a size 18-20 and need to lose at least 85 lbs.  I’ve managed to lose 22 lbs. since my highest weight and have been waiting for gastric bypass surgery for 18 months.  I’m now telling myself that if I can lose 45 lbs. on my own by the end of the year that I won’t have the surgery, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to love my physical body.  I’m 48 and I’m still single and I still always think that the men I’ve loved could never love me back the way I needed them too because I was somehow not good enough.  What do we do to get rid of that negative self-image if we don’t believe we’re good enough?

    Reply
  6. Manahmanah

    ‘Never feeling enough’…of this or that or anything is the most self-destructive mind-concocted disease. Our journey is the struggle to create a controlled battle with self-negating programming of our mind from our childhood, our families, social approval/disapproval.  Always should be engaging in new ways of realization that ‘we are as intended to be’! The rest is what it is.

    Reply
  7. Shirley

    If women ever get smart the magazine industry, the cosmetic industry, the elective surgery industry, the diet food industry and the selfhelp book industry are going to take a beating. I fact our whole ecconamy may collaps. Just thinking.

    Reply

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