This week, my new comedy album Smoke Show dropped. It’s about my love of nature, and how Mother Earth is still a smoke show after 6 billion years.

I included a QR Code here so you can scan it to find out where to listen or buy it.

 

 

 

If you would like to watch a bit of my set I performed for it’s launch, click here

Or read below:

SMOKE SHOW

One of the reasons I wanted this album Smoke Show to drop this week is my sober anniversary. I am 39 years sober.

And it means a lot to me.

And I did not like being in nature when I was drinking.

Or sunlight. I remember I went to NFLD, took a cab to the top of signal hill and didn’t get out- I sat there with my cigarette

And said, “Oh the Atlantic Ocean. All the salt water iss making me thirsty

I am not a person who struggles with the urge to drink.

It’s the struggle to stay human.

I never liked it much.

It’s tricky isn’t it?

Just staying in your body right?

And not stuck in your head.

I always want to be a brain in a jar, talking to other brains in jars.

I am fine in front of a crowd or one on one.

But small talk ( gags)

Last year I got asked to go to the Second City 40 year reunion.

It should’ve been fun but I was like,” The reunion is on Sunday, but I have a theatre ticket Sat and I can’t be out two nights in a row because Monday is my day to fill out my pill caddy.

And to be honest, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to see people I worked with 40 years ago.

What are we going to say?

They’ll say, “What have you been up to?”

I can’t think of a thing.
I freeze

40 years have gone by and I am questioning myself whether I have worked, had kids . Was I in the witness protection program?

What have you been up to, is just an innocent way to start a conversation.

Like when you leave people, you say, “Let’s have lunch sometime.” They don’t want to have lunch; they are just saying goodbye.

At 40-year reunions, people brag about what they succeeded at. All I do is brag about how I’ve failed. Someone came up to me and said,

“ I heard you wrote a book.” “Yes, but there’s no money in it,” I didn’t know this person, and yet I was standing there giving them my financials. And my brain is looking down at me: “Why is your mouth still moving?

People are backing away from me, trying to get to the cheese tray.

The thing is, I don’t listen well.

I will fill in your sentences.

People don’t like it.

Unless you are a stroke victim.

They seem to be grateful.

Also I can’t sit still.

You call it ADD, I call it a chance to catch up on the vacuuming while you’re talking.

In every encounter with people, my brain seems to be lagging.

If you said something to hurt my feelings, it doesn’t register with me for about 3 days.

Then I’m out at another party I don’t want to be at, and I remember the thing someone said at the first party, and I am like, “Shit, what the hell did he mean by that?”

I am never fully present in the moment; I never know when a conversation ends, especially in a text.

Have you ever been texting back and forth, and suddenly, out of nowhere, the person shoots you a thumbs-up? Well, I guess this conversation is over.

They give you the emoji (thumb), which to me it feels like this (puts up middle finger) ( you gave me the finger)

One friend ends her texts with three thumbs up.

That woman is retired.

She has the time to write goodbye.