Schmooz...

In the throes of passion, he started spanking — himself. Don’t think it didn’t ruin the mood when he started screaming, “For God’s sake, get the mosquitoes off my twinky!”

CAMPING

right up there with root canal

It’s that time of year when people start enjoying their long-awaited summer holidays.

Some will take a leisurely boat cruise of the magnificent 1000 Islands. Among these seafarers, some will find it necessary to videotape the entire four-hour experience. Maybe they aren’t able to take in the beauty of it all, or maybe they’re counting to make sure there really are a thousand islands. I actually heard one man say to his wife as he videotaped, “We really should come here some day.”

Some tourists are nostalgic for days of yore, and plan a visit to Fort Henry. I’ve been to the Fort many times, and I wonder why the only thing I can remember is how short the people were in the 1800s. Of course, years from now, people of today will be remembered for having mutilated their bodies with eyebrow rings and tongue piercings.

I, personally, go to the Fort and look at those gorgeous military cadets during the tattoo and get a strange hankering for fudge. The only other time I think of fudge is when I’m visiting Niagara on The Lake. They have a plethora of fudge stores. In fact, I went into one store and they had peachy orange fudge named Mildred Roswell. It’s been my personal goal to have a fudge flavour named after me.

The heat of the summer causes us to do crazy things. A friend of mine

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