This email is an excerpt from my new show, info for a preview of Overnight Sensation and my Wednesday Writing class.
I have forgotten where I put my keys, my phone and where I put my ability to flirt.
Or recognize if someone is flirting with me.
A few months ago, the heat went off in my apartment and when my super cam in and I told him I was freezing?
“You need warming up? I’ll chase you around and keep you warm.”
Was he flirting?
And here’s the difference between the generations. My daughter said it was inappropriate. My friends said maybe he liked me.
When I was young, I wouldn’t have had to phone someone to figure it out. When I was young I’d have known the difference. When I was young I’d have said, “Oh you wish.”
But that night do you know what I said?
“Oh, go on with you.”
Oh, go on with you!
Which is something you’d say if you found a raccoon in your backyard.
You’d look out the window and see the bear, “Go on with you “and then you’d bang some pots.”
Mom said men no matter their age are always sniffing around, “As soon as your dad died, the men came out of the closet.”
I think she meant out of the woodwork –but she didn’t want to start up with a new man.
“The only time I missed your father is when I have to unscrew a jar of beets.”
I don’t know where these men she was talking about are.
To me, I don’t see any men out there.
I don’t mean just good men. Living men. Because men die off faster.
By the time you hit my mother’s age, there are 10 times the women to men.
Here’s a public service announcement, gentlemen.
If you want a woman, you only need to do two things.
- a) Don’t die.
- b) Like casseroles.
It’s a very low bar, so the statistics are in your favour, guys.
It seems some of you keep getting crankier and crankier.
I see you, looking out the window yelling at people to get off your lawn.
The other day I saw two men get into a fight about how nice a day it was.
‘Hey, nice day.’
And the other guy –says, “No not as nice as yesterday.”
And they got into a big argument about how nice a day it was.
You can see how a man accepts his age by how he exercises.
Is he using a recumbent bike or he is still pumping iron, chewing Spinach, doing that thing with his nostrils?
Last week, I saw this gorgeous older man running down the beach, toward me! It reminded me of Steve Austin –how the Million Dollar man ran?
Except he was running so slowly, it would have been faster to walk? It took him forever to pass me.
His body parts were bouncing around so much my pup thought he wanted to play fetch.
Then it occurred to me, maybe he wasn’t moving in slow motion, maybe he was just flirting with me.
Upcoming Shows and Workshops:
Want to see a sneak preview of my show Overnight Sensation? I am previewing it to a small invited audience in two locations. PWYC.( Pay What You Can)
2 pm December 4th Social Capital Toronto.
Advance Reservations Only! Email me at email@example.com to get on the list.
Do you want to test drive my writing sessions? Check out my hour-long sessions on Writing Wednesdays